You first met her when your then boyfriend brought you in their house and introduced you to her. She seems so nice, caring and thoughtful like your own mother. She cooks every time you visit their house. Asks you about your job, your family and future plans. Wishes you to be the future wife of her son as you seem to be a great fit until..
You married his son.
Gave him a grandson.
Lived with her under the same roof.
Everything changed in a snap.
She turned into a different person. A person you wished you haven’t had connection with. Spot this 6 signs you have a monster-in-law and know what to do about it.
She pretends she likes you in front of his son
This two-faced person has mastered the art of deception. When it’s just the two of you, she makes you feel unwanted. She doesn’t talk to you or play with your son as if you don’t exist at all. She doesn’t mind if you haven’t eaten yet that’s why when she’s having her breakfast, she doesn’t invite you to sit and eat with her, only when there are a lot of dishes to wash. But when your husband arrives home, she plays with your baby and forces you to eat even though you’re not yet hungry just to show your husband that she’s a concern, thoughtful mother-in-law.
She overpowers you when it comes to making decisions about your family
For your wedding, she tells you what gown you should wear and that you should buy it instead of just renting it. For your son’s baptism, she decides the venue and what food to prepare without even asking your opinion. She has a say in almost everything you put your hands to as if you’re still a child that badly needs her guidance.
Simple tasks become troublesome whenever she’s around as you’re expected to do household chores her way.
She talks behind your back
You’ll know she’s been telling unpleasant things about you to others just by listening to what she says. Remember that truth will prevail. In her case, it’s in using other people’s name to deliver a message to you. A message she, not the others, wants to say. That you’re not buying food for them even if it’s pay day! That you don’t contribute in paying the bills.
She negotiates with you regarding his son’s time and money
She confronts you without your husband knowing, to talk about money. That from the time you married, he’s no longer giving his Mom some penny. She says that she hopes that by the time you get back from maternity leave, you’d be able to assist your husband in providing for your baby’s needs so he can continue supporting them financially.
Aside from money, she also raises her concern about where her son is spending his time. He’s home taking care of your baby for a while, while you wash your baby’s milk bottles and do the laundry because your mother-in-law doesn’t even lift a finger to help.
She makes you feel guilty
She asks you to come with her when paying for her insurance or going to the bank. Since you don’t want to, you tell your husband to tell her mother to go ahead; you can’t accompany her because you’re going somewhere else. She insists, making you feel guilty about her being alone. You wonder why she wants to be with you despite feeling and seeing that she hates you to the bones.
So you accompany her once in a while, only to regret because the real reason she wants you to come with her is for her to have another chance to criticize and scold you for the things you do and don’t do.
She’s selfish to you
The food that she wants, she keeps on the fridge. You will only know there’s salad or cake when her granddaughters visit in the house and she offers them the sweet treats. You don’t mind at all. But when it’s your parents who visit the house and your mother-in-law doesn’t even offer them to sit with her on the table to eat, that’s when your beast mode turns on, it slips your mind that she’s your second mother.
What to do?
Detach yourself physically and emotionally
This will be easier if you’re not living with your mother-in-law but if you do, that’s when this becomes difficult to do. First, it’s her house. She makes the rules. The best way you can detach yourself is to avoid staying in one place with her. If she’s in the living room, stay in the bedroom. If she’s in the dining area, go out for a while until she’s done eating. This way, you can convince yourself that she doesn’t ask you to eat because you’re not home, not because she’s selfish.
Detaching oneself emotionally means getting used to interacting with her without showing some emotions, whether happiness or anger. Don’t listen to the bad things she’s saying. Don’t let them affect you.
Challenge the things she says in ways that are not disrespectful
Since the main source of joy of your mother-in-law is to annoy you, she does everything to contradict every little thing you do, even if it shows inconsistencies on her part. For instance, she doesn’t let you bathe your baby on Tuesdays and Fridays because according to the elders, your baby might get sick.
And so you thought she believes in superstitions so you only wash your baby’s clothes in the morning because washing it in the afternoon or at night will make your baby sick too, according to the old beliefs.
But for the sake of opposing you, she will say that it’s not true, it’s just a saying. What duh?
Tell your husband about your in-law problems
If what your in-law is doing is too much to handle, you can choose to tell it to your husband. Say it in a way that you still respect his mother but you’re just too fed up to contain more. It’s up to him what he’ll do but it is always better if he talks to his mother to put all the issues on table. If his mother reasons out, it’s up to your husband to decide who’s on point between you and your mother-in-law. Not taking sides or ignoring the conflict between you will only make the matters worse.
Your husband should be brave enough to decipher who’s right or wrong and suggests what must be done. If he finds your mother-in-law (his mother) trespassing to your privacy or going overboard with her negative attitude, he’s the better person (not you) to confront his mother and make her stop.
What else can you possibly do to tame your monster-in-law?